Sunday, June 6, 2010
What Am I Afraid Of?
So last night before i went to bed i was watching Harlem Nights, forgetting that tomorrow would be sunday (Which is today). So i turned my TV off but left my receiver on and i woke up to the sound of a screaming pastor over every speaker in my room. Mind you i have speakers everywhere in my ceiling walls all over. So i began tweeting about it in a playful manner. I came to realize as i was answering back some of my followers via twitter i soon thought to myself its been like 3/4 years since i've been to church. Someone asked "Bow wow why has it been so long" for some reason the times i gone to church i feel out of place. like its not for me. (which it should be for me) I was wondering if anyone else ever felt that way? Over my life people always tell us what we need or what we should be doing with our life. Church and religion is something that can't be forced onto someone. My philosophy is this: I don't want to practice the word and still be doing the wrong. I don't want to go thinking "Well because i do bad i can always just go here for comfort, pray and my bad is cleared. Now i can go back doing wrong and just keep going back for prayer" I don't want to feel like i'm mis using the church or the lord for the sake of my bad ways. Yes i believe in god, yes i pray, yes i talk to him. At the end of the day it lies between you and him. Your relationship with the lord is between yall. My mother goes to church constantly and always tries to bring me but i tell her "Mom i'm not ready yet" But she says "Boy what you mean you not ready, what if its too late"? i say "Man you right".I just feel that God will tell me cause he's the one i talk to. (Am i wrong for that? ) Why is it that id rather play xbox or hang out with my homies or play ball instead of going to church? Have i not yet realized the importance? No! i know the importance, i'm just scared. A lil nervous thats all. I think all first timers are a lil nervous thats a normal feeling. People may ask "Why are you scared of the church"? Maybe its i'm afraid of change. self change that is. Which is normal because you have been a certain way or lived a certain way your whole life that you might not know how to adapt to the new you. Will i ever attend? of course i will. I just can't force it. When that day comes, ill be there. Im still working on becoming a better man, and once i grow up and leave the B.S. alone ill be ready for that next chapter of my life. As of now i continue to pray speak to him (GOD) and live 1 second 1 minute of my life at a time. God Bless you all. Love all yall.
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